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Pleasure Rooms: How to Create an Intimate Space for Deeper Pleasure & Connection

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Sex and other erotic encounters can offer us a momentary escape from the mundane or difficult realities of life, and open us to connection, a sense of freedom and pleasure. But our desire for physical intimacy, whether it be with ourselves or a partner is very sensitive to context, which Emily Nagoski Ph.D boils down to two things: your external environment (who you’re with, where you are, safety, new or familiar etc) and how you’re feeling in the present moment (relaxed, stressed etc).

Our immediate surroundings can have a big impact on our mood and how relaxed and open we feel to physical intimacy, and also in our ability to access pleasure in our bodies. So if you’re wanting to invite deeper connection and heightened pleasure into your relationship, taking the time to create an intentional space for intimacy, eroticism and play is a good place to start.

Our intimate spaces should be like little sanctuaries we can escape to, to have fun, explore each other, feel pleasure and deep connection, and to rest. They can be sacred, kinky, hedonistic or simply sensual. What matters is the intention you bring to them.

It doesn’t take much to create an intimate and playful space at home. So whatever you call it, whether it be a boudoir, pleasure room, temple, sacred space, ritual space, sex room, playroom, intimate oasis or sanctuary, here are some simple tips for creating a space in your home that is intentional and inviting of pleasure, play and deep connection:

Find a space

The bedroom is the obvious environment to use for your intimate sanctuary - ideally it’s a room that’s used for just two things: sleep and sensual play. But if your bedroom is also serving as a workspace or anything else, try confining these to one area of the room. Move laptops, computers, papers and any other potentially distracting items out of the space or put them away.

Consider getting a room divider that can help to separate your work space from your play space. If that’s not possible, clear your desk and use this as another play area…

Keep it clean and minimal

Mess and clutter can be a big turn off for many people. It’s a reminder of the monotony of adulthood (and parenting for those with little ones), which is the opposite headspace you want to be in for your erotic escape.

Start by removing piles of clothes and any other mess, clear unnecessary clutter, change sheets regularly and let in some fresh air.


Lighting is another important factor in creating an inviting and sensual space. Turn off any harsh, bright white lights and switch on some soft, warm lamps. Shaded lamps or salt lamps are best for creating an ambient soft glow.

Candles add another depth of sensuality. You can also use candles for sensation play - dripping hot wax on each other for a bit of kink, or candles that melt into massage oil for a more sensual, erotic experience (just make sure the candles are body safe before using them on each other).

Temperature check

This is more something to consider in the cooler months, but remember to warm the space before your rendezvous so it’s not too cold to derobe. Not just that, keeping your body warm is important for accessing pleasure and orgasm.

Arousal and climaxing is dependent on blood flow to our genitals, and when we’re cold our blood vessels become constricted making it harder for the heart to pump blood around the body. So a warm space is actually really important for helping the body relax and open to pleasure.

Keep your pleasure kit close by

Place any toys, lube, accessories, condoms and whatever else you and your lover enjoy in a designated area in the room for easy access during your session. Seeing all your favourite pleasure tools laid out neatly can also help to set the mood…

Phones out of the room

It goes without saying that phones can be a major distraction and blocker for deep intimate connection. Leave your phones and smart watches out of the room so that you’re not interrupted by calls and notifications. If you like taking naughty photos and videos of each other make sure to put your phone on do not disturb or aeroplane mode.

Close the door

Closing the door makes the space feel more private, intimate and intentional. This small gesture can help you to surrender to the moment, to each other, and briefly escape the realities of life (work, bills, cleaning etc).

Bonus points

Some other things you might like to consider for your space is playing some music (something that gets you both in the mood), lighting some scented candles or incense, throwing a soft blanket over the bed for an extra touch of sensuality and anything else that makes you both feel good.


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