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How to give a Tantric Lingam Massage

Woman sitting behind man with hand on heart.

Lingam is the Sanskrit word for penis and loosely translates to wand of light. In Tantra, the Lingam is seen as a sacred gateway to one’s life force energy or eros and is therefore touched and honoured with great respect and presence during a Lingam massage.

Giving a Tantric Lingam massage (or a Tantric handjob as some people know it) removes expectations, performance and the fixation on conventional orgasm and ejaculation. Instead, it creates a space for deepening connection to self and allows the receiver to fully surrender and transcend into higher realms of pleasure and sensation.

Benefits of Tantric Lingam Massage

  • Increases sexual awareness and expands your experience of orgasmic pleasure

  • Can help with performance anxiety

  • A way to explore becoming multi-orgasmic and orgasm without ejaculation

  • Can help with premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation and erectile dysfunction

  • Increases feelings of intimacy with yourself and partner

  • Contributes to a general sense of wellbeing

My Top Tips for Giving a Tantric Lingam Massage

Set the Scene

Creating a space that feels calm and safe is an important first step in any Tantric ritual practice. It doesn’t have to be elaborate, but things like soft lighting, the temperature of the room and a comfortable surface to lie on can go a long way. You may also like to burn some incense or scented candles and play some Tantric music for a more sensual experience.

Connect with Breath

Before jumping into techniques and stimulation, spend some time connecting with breath.

Conscious breathing is a fundamental Tantric practice and an important aspect of the Lingam massage for both the giver and receiver. The breath guides the rhythm of the massage and allows energy to circulate between you and your lover offering not only a deep level of connection but an exchange of orgasmic energy making it a pleasurable experience for you both. Come into a warm embrace, feel each other breathing and allow your bodies to synchronise through breath.

Find a comfortable position

Generally, in a traditional Tantric Lingam massage the giver is sitting between the legs of the receiver who is lying down. The receiver may like to rest their legs over the givers, bringing more intimacy to the position.

Go Slow

Using warm coconut oil (or your preferred massage oil) spend some time warming up the body by massaging around the Lingam including the belly, upper thighs, groin and also the heart space. This builds anticipation, allows arousal to build and invites orgasmic energy to move around the body.

Touching the ‘Wand of Light’

Giving an ecstatic Tantric Lingam massage is less about technique and more about presence. Touch consciously and with intention. Allow your hands to be soft and fluid. Try not to overthink it - find a flow between your breath and your hands, as if your hands are dancing with the Lingam. Remember to move your hands around the whole Lingam including the balls (be gentle here), shaft and head of the penis. Make the massage dynamic, alternating between rhythm, pressure and strokes. Alternate between using two hands on the Lingam, or one hand stimulating the Lingam while the other spreads the orgasmic energy to other parts of the body (heart, belly, stroking down the arms and legs).


Edging is the practice of bringing the receiver close to orgasm (without going over the edge), then slowing down. Bringing your partner to their edge multiple times cultivates more orgasmic energy and allows it to flood the whole body leading to transcendent states of pleasure. As you bring your partner to their edge, pay close attention to their body language. Increased heart rate, faster breath, change in muscle tone, movement, thrusting and balls pulling closer to the Lingam are all signs of nearing orgasm. When your partner is close to their edge, pull back and slow down what you’re doing. Spread the energy to other parts of their body. Encourage them to breathe deeply and slowly. You may notice your partner's Lingam (penis) goes from being rock hard to semi-soft. Don’t worry, this is not a sign of decreasing arousal or that you’re doing something wrong. Rather, it’s a sign that your partner’s sexual energy (life force energy) has been released from the Lingam and is now blissfully circulating around the whole body.

Bring them back down

Choose where you want to go from here. You can bring your partner to ejaculate if they need a release or move into intercourse. If your partner is in a state of full bodied orgasmic bliss, give them some time to bathe in the pleasure pulsing through their body. This is a great time to connect on a deep level so you might like to lie beside your partner, embrace them and gently stroke their body while they return to lucidity.

Curious to learn more including specific Tantric massage techniques? Join my upcoming in-person workshop on Learning the Art of Tantric Lingam Massage or book in for a private couples workshop.


Hi, I'm Ania White.

I'm a Tantric Bodywork practitioner and Somatic Sexologist passionate about supporting people to reconnect to eros – one's source of vitality, curiosity, creativity and pleasure.

I am based in Sydney, Australia.


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